The Power of Giving Yourself Permission
by Amy Goldmacher
I’ve been thinking a lot about permission recently.
I wanted to do something special for myself as I turned 50 in November of 2023. It felt like a big milestone – not only because it’s a big, round number, but also because it meant I was definitely in the second half of life, and also because I surpassed the age my father was when he died. Turning 50 felt like I had threaded a needle and now there was a lot of uncharted territory in front of me. I knew I wanted to have some uninterrupted time to focus solely on writing, with no family/household/work obligations or distractions, but I felt guilty about wanting something so selfish.
So I used a freewriting technique that helps with feeling stuck (which happens a lot more frequently than I’d like!). I took 10 minutes to ask myself these questions and freewrite:
What’s the worst that could happen if ____?
What would it look like [or feel like] if I ____?
What if I had permission to ____?
I had to get deeply honest with myself, look under the “but I can’t” and “but I shouldn’t”, and get in touch with what I wanted, get comfortable asking for it, and make the compromises getting what I wanted would require.
My ideal situation? A cruise going from Southampton UK to my home port in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where I would spend my days writing and looking out at the sea from my cabin window, with my meals prepared for me. But this itinerary meant I would be absent for Thanksgiving. So that was a conversation with my husband that needed to happen: how might we make this work? (We had Alternate Thanksgiving the Saturday after — a generous compromise on his part!)
I had to give myself permission to want this and to do this. Permission to change course. Permission to take a break from responsibility. Permission to try a new tack, without a guarantee of return on investment. Permission to want and do something selfish for myself.
And it was great.
If you’d like to get a sense of what writing while cruising is like, I’ve written the following guest essays recently:
I see “waiting for permission” in the writers I work with too. The decision to write a book seems so monumental. And risky.
“Yes,” they say. “I want to write a book, but…
I’m afraid I don’t know if my idea is any good.
I’m afraid no one is going to want to read what I have to say.
I’m worried I don’t have what it takes to write a book.
I know I don’t know the first thing about writing a book, or organizing content, or publishing.”
What if you gave yourself permission to go for it? Even though it feels selfish? Even though you will need to invest in your dream with your time, energy, and money? Even though you may need to make compromises now to accomplish your goal?
If you are feeling like you need permission to go after a goal, open up a doc or turn to a blank page in your journal or grab the nearest thing you can write on, set a timer for 10 minutes, ask yourself the questions I asked myself above, and go! Don’t stop writing until the timer goes off. If you get stuck, keep writing the last thing you wrote until a new thought appears. (A new thought ALWAYS appears.) See what comes up for you, and what you want to do about it.
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Does taking yourself on a writing cruise sound like just what you need? I am leading a workshop-on-a-ship April 28-May 5 as part of the Craft & Publishing Voyage with Jane Friedman, Allison K Williams, and Dinty W. Moore.
You will be immersed in literary luxury on a week-long cruise from London to New York aboard Cunard’s Queen Mary 2. You’ll enjoy elegant dining and premium service while refining your writing craft and charting your publishing course. During the week, there will be writing classes and workshops, panels on the publishing industry, and personal advice and connection. There is also plenty of free time to enjoy the ship and activities so you get a full vacation experience as well.
Whether you’re working on a novel, a memoir, essays, or nonfiction, you’ll get valuable instruction, inspiration, and actionable information for your writing career.
As of February 1, there are 5 spots remaining (and spouses, partners, and friends are welcome!).
I was on the Writing Retreat Directory podcast to talk about the upcoming trip: https://writingretreatdirectory.com/podcast/a-writing-retreat-cruise-with-amy-goldmacher
I’d love to see you there! If you have any questions, please reach out.
Quick links:
Cruise Idea to Outline with Amy Goldmacher (contact me for a coupon code for use when booking)
Craft and Publishing Voyage Retreat Information (including travel agent details and arrangements)
Bio:
Amy Goldmacher is a traditionally published nonfiction author and Author Accelerator certified nonfiction book coach. She has coached writers from book idea to polished, pitch-ready proposals and manuscripts that get agents and book deals. You can find her work on JaneFriedman.com, The Brevity Blog, Pipeline Media Group, and The New York Times, among others. Her website is www.amygoldmacher.com and she can be found on social media at @solidgoldmacher.
